The Invisible Work That Can Wear You Out

The Invisible Work That Can Wear You Out

Written by: Yamila Solari
Illustration of emotional labor in software teams showing happy and stressed faces, symbolizing the hidden work of managing emotions at work.
In 1983, sociologist Arlie Hochschild coined the term emotional labor to describe the work people do when they manage their emotions to fit the expectations of their role, even when it doesn’t match how they actually feel. At the time, this was mostly associated with hospitality jobs where employees were expected to “grin and bear it” for the sake of clients.

But over the years we’ve realized that emotional labor shows up everywhere, including in tech teams. Any time people can’t fully express what they’re feeling, some degree of emotional labor is happening. It often falls on the team lead’s shoulders, but not exclusively; any member of a team can find themselves carrying this hidden load.

Two kinds of emotional labor

Experts often divide emotional labor into self-focused and other-focused.

  • Self-focused: When you regulate your own emotions to match the job. This can be surface acting (putting on a smile while you’re stressed) or deep acting (convincing yourself to feel more positive so your reaction seems genuine). Both consume mental energy.
  • Other-focused: When you carry the responsibility of keeping the peace in your team. Maybe you bite your tongue to avoid conflict, or you’re the one who smooths over tension so others don’t have to. Over time, this extra work often falls on a few individuals, especially those seen as “the calm one” or “the peacemaker.”

The reality is that jobs demanding high levels of emotional labor, whether client-facing or within tough team cultures, take a toll. In my view, emotional labor is sustainable only when:

  • the effort is light,
  • it is shared fairly across the team, and
  • it is mostly self-focused.

When emotional labor becomes intense, unevenly distributed, and heavily other-focused, morale suffers. That’s when we see stress, fatigue, cognitive dissonance, reduced self-confidence, and eventually burnout.

Nearshore software development team collaborating in a meeting room, demonstrating how shared emotional labor supports high-performing delivery.
Balanced emotional labor helps nearshore teams communicate clearly and maintain steady velocity.

Emotional labor in teams

High-performing teams, especially in software development, usually already enjoy psychological safety and healthy communication practices, which allow emotions to be expressed more freely. But even in those environments, someone may still end up carrying too much of the invisible emotional work, and it can be draining. That’s why it helps to define what an unfair share of emotional labor looks like in the context of teamwork.

An unfair share of emotional labor happens when one or two people consistently absorb the responsibility of managing team emotions and dynamics, while others contribute little to that invisible work. In other words, the same few people keep the team afloat, at the expense of their own mental energy, while others simply ride the wave.

Signs you’re carrying too much

You might be doing an unfair share of emotional labor if you:

  • Frequently mediate conflicts or soothe tensions.
  • Modulate your emotions to avoid rocking the boat.
  • Track everyone’s triggers and adjust your behavior to protect others.
  • Are often asked to “fix” situations or calm down upset colleagues.
  • Feel pressure to always be positive, no matter what.
  • Step in to help even when it’s not your responsibility.
  • Regularly provide emotional support or advice.
  • Let subtle offenses slide to keep the peace.
  • Absorb client frustration to shield your team.

When one person consistently takes on these responsibilities, it’s not only exhausting for them — it also prevents the team from building resilience together.

Tech leader managing multiple thoughts and decisions, representing the mental load and emotional labor of guiding a software team.
Leaders carry a unique emotional load—naming it and sharing it keeps teams resilient.

Tips to manage other-focused emotional labor

  • Acknowledge it. Start noticing the moments you take on emotional work. Awareness is the first step.
  • Get perspective. Talk with a coach or your team leader. What would actually happen if you didn’t smooth things over? Sometimes the team needs to face conflict to grow.
  • Speak up. Within Scrum, Retrospectives are a safe place to share how this invisible work is affecting you. Naming it helps balance the load.
  • Own your feelings. Practice saying “Here’s what I observed, and here’s how it made me feel.” This keeps you focused on your experience instead of controlling the team’s mood.
  • If you lead a team, create safety. Make space for emotions as part of your culture. When people can express frustration, joy, or disagreement without fear, conflict gets resolved earlier and resentment doesn’t snowball.

Final thought

Emotional labor isn’t inherently bad — it’s part of working with people. But when it’s heavy, uneven, and invisible, it quietly drains teams. By naming it, sharing the responsibility, and creating a culture where emotions can be expressed safely, we can turn it from a hidden burden into a shared skill that strengthens the team.

Yamila Solari

Yamila Solari

General Manager

Anthem

Anthem

Client

Anthem

Leader in the healthcare sector, is dedicated to providing innovative solutions and services for the well-being of millions.

Description

 

Leader in the healthcare sector, is dedicated to providing innovative solutions and services for the well-being of millions.

Client

Anthem

Leader in the healthcare sector, is dedicated to providing innovative solutions and services for the well-being of millions.

Description

Leader in the healthcare sector, is dedicated to providing innovative solutions and services for the well-being of millions.

the challenge

Anthem needed to renew their core technology, which was on the verge of obsolescence, while their engineering team continued to develop additional features. The goal was to complete the migration efficiently and run automation tests to validate the system’s integrity throughout the process.

the challenge

Enhance the agility in managing service assignments across vendors and to gain a comprehensive view of client information, service details, and payment details. The goal was to ensure a more agile and transparent approach to vendor management.

the solution

Over the course of a year-long partnership, we collaborated closely with Anthem to craft a solution that addressed their unique challenges. The key to success lay in a cost-efficient approach and a high-performance collaborative effort. Our strategy involved orchestrating a seamless migration of the core technology while concurrently running automation tests to validate the system’s functionality at every stage.

the solution

Over the course of a year-long partnership, we collaborated closely with Anthem to craft a solution that addressed their unique challenges. The key to success lay in a cost-efficient approach and a high-performance collaborative effort. Our strategy involved orchestrating a seamless migration of the core technology while concurrently running automation tests to validate the system’s functionality at every stage.

the outcome

Efficient Migration:

Anthem successfully renewed their core technology without disrupting ongoing feature development. The migration was executed with precision and efficiency.

Automation Validation:

Our integration of automation tests ensured continuous validation of the system throughout the migration process, guaranteeing that every aspect ran smoothly and met the required standards.

Cost Savings

The cost-efficient approach not only ensured a successful migration but also resulted in substantial cost savings for Anthem.

Foto de <a href="https://unsplash.com/es/@nappystudio?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash">Nappy</a> en <a href="https://unsplash.com/es/fotos/un-primer-plano-de-una-mano-en-una-computadora-portatil-heGTlwA705U?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash">Unsplash</a><br />
the outcome

Efficient Migration:

Anthem successfully renewed their core technology without disrupting ongoing feature development. The migration was executed with precision and efficiency.

Automation Validation:

Our integration of automation tests ensured continuous validation of the system throughout the migration process, guaranteeing that every aspect ran smoothly and met the required standards.

Cost Savings:

The cost-efficient approach not only ensured a successful migration but also resulted in substantial cost savings for Anthem.

Foto de Nappy en Unsplash

Dealing with similar challenges?

Find solutions with us

Dealing with similar challenges?

 

Find solutions with us

What does success look like to you?

What does success look like to you?

By Scio Team

Scio software developer reflecting on personal definition of success</p>
<p>
It’s easy to see the idea of success as a default goal, something everyone should be looking for in any endeavor they start. And while it’s true that always looking for a specific destination is part of our nature, what does success mean? Because when we talk about success, it’s easy to forget that it never looks the same for everyone.
Truth is, success comes from a very personal place for most people, where our experiences and expectations shape the way we work and collaborate, and the specific things we choose to focus on. That’s why at Scio we believe that a good organization leaves enough space to let every collaborator reach success on their terms. So what is a success, then? As we were curious about what drives each of our developers and engineers, we sent a survey to all the Scioneers to ask this very important question: what does success look like to you?

The importance of balance

“Success is feeling in control of my personal life”, states one of the responses we got. “Being able to feel like I’m doing something valuable, having the strength and motivation to continue doing the things I love, and also being happy with the ones around me.” This image of success, for example, points out the important balance between work and personal life, one of the core values of Scio regarding their collaborators. We consider this is an important topic because developing software is as much of a creative endeavor as a technical one, and having people who keep healthy boundaries is crucial to always arrive at the best outcomes. To this end, fostering a good culture of collaboration and camaraderie is the best approach to ensure that a project is completed successfully, as it can also mean that your work doesn’t go unnoticed. “I like that Scio’s culture promotes the gesture of congratulating the team, both individually and as a whole”, says another of the answers we got. “I like the post-mortem charts we have about our successful projects, where they make sure all the team knows we are aware of their achievements. We even have social meetings to celebrate successful goals, which I think it’s a good idea. So let’s continue promoting the gesture of congratulating our teams for their achievements.” This is one of the examples of the ways Scio tries to maintain mutual support in everything we do, and something as simple as notifying everyone that a team has achieved a goal, or having a group call to just chat and relax, goes a long way toward it.

Success beyond the office

Illustration for blog What does success look like?

However, for some, success transcends the workplace and instead focuses on how it affects a collaborator’s everyday life. “Having my own home, seeing my kids happy, and maybe even running a marathon in another country is success” was one of the answers we got, as well as “Feeling full, and having yourself, your family, your significant other, your mind, your work, and your world in balance” and “Being able to do what I like in life and enjoy every second.”

This topic keeps coming out because a clear balance between work and personal life has been increasingly desired among both developers and companies starting to embrace the advantages of remote work and hybrid collaboration models, so making sure a healthy equilibrium exists is one of our core values here at Scio. “Feeling happy and comfortable with where you are”, another one of our responses, sums it up very well.

We understand that, due to the nature of software development, sometimes keeping this balance is tricky, even if Nearshore companies like Scio offer plenty of flexibility and options to work, so taking the steps to ensure that our collaborators can define success beyond the needs of a project goes a long way.

This also ties with another concept that many developers find attractive in any workplace: the chance to learn and grow as they work, which seemed to be a focal point in many of the answers we received. “Meeting the objectives and goals, keep the things I learned, as well as learning from the mistakes to improve”, and “Creating something of value that has a positive impact on the people you care about” get to the point of it, as a successful person might also be one that learns, grows and creates useful things from the work they do.

“Looks like having a clean conscience, lots of self-caring, not reserving everything to myself, feeling useful, achieving a wisdom state” was an unexpected answer. A lot of people can see success in purely personal terms (i.e. “how I feel about this thing I did?), so creating an environment where collaboration and personal growth are on the same frequency tends to deliver the best outcomes.

The success of living well

Blog header: What does success look like?

And last, it’s not a secret that many go into software development because it’s a very in-demand field with lots of organizations to choose from to collaborate with, and compensation is always important for anyone looking to join an organization that shares their values. “For me, is to be financially stable enough to give my family a better life, while also being happy in your job and what you like. To be successful is also to be recognized in your work and know that you are an important part of your company”, reads one of the answers, highlighting success as having the means to support your loved ones while also working on something you feel passionate about.

“For me, success is when your lifestyle and quality of life improves significantly and money isn’t an issue at all”, continues another of the responses. “While also achieving your personal and professional goals, feeling full and happy. Then you have a balance of these ‘pillars’ and yet you are further away from where you started.”

As we reveal more responses, we can start to see that “success” is, at the end of it, directing your life in the way you want to, down to every detail, as this answer manages to explain beautifully: “For me, success has many shapes. From small achievements to the greatest goals, success can happen anywhere, in any place, both in our personal and professional lives, in the financial sense, or even with the people around you”, trying to get across how success is present in our daily lives.

“Even in defeat, we can see success in learning something, feeling good about it, making ourselves proud, and gaining more knowledge in return. If we see it like this, anything we achieve is a success.”

So what do you think? How do you personally define success and how does it get reflected in your personal life? Is it something concrete you work towards every day, or a state of life you want to achieve? Because no matter what your definition of success is, at Scio, we are willing to lend you a hand and achieve your best possible outcome.